Thinking about flying in winter? Buckle up. Between airport shutdowns, snow delays, and that one guy who pre-games like he’s training for the NFL, winter travel is chaos on ice. Here’s your sarcastic, flight-attendant-approved guide to making it through without getting kicked off the plane.

Airport bathrooms are chaos, but nothing is scarier than how many grown men walk out without washing their hands. As flight attendants, we see it all—so here’s your sarcastic, zero-filter guide to not being the nastiest guy in the terminal.